Hell hath no fury like a girl in a van.

Packing day.

'Hell is other people' said Satre. He was wrong. I know because I've taken time out this week to vacation in Hell. As you'd expect, it was to warm, and bit annoying and by the end of my time there, psychologically disturbing. The story begins, as they often do, with us both filled with optimism, last Saturday morning. 

Saturday the 30th of July. 

Saturday morning we headed off to Cardiff to pick up the van. The sun was shining and the day was filled with promise. The van was new, though the tyres had seen better days. Still, the pick up was easy and we drove it back to begin loading. And that's where it started to go wrong. It was clear the van type we'd picked up was to small. Instead of packing everything we own into the van, it became a battle to pack what we needed in and squeeze what extras we could. The van place was closed so returning the van for a larger one wasn't an option. The stress levels were high to say the least. Thank god we had the services of Lynda's brother and good friend Donna Hardman. Between the two of them, they packed that van so full, that closing the doors was a three man job. A single, solid block of stuff was the best way to describe it. 

By 16.30, it was time to leave. We were to tired for tearful goodbyes, hungry beyond belief and ready to get on the road. Geri settled in to his seat. I would spend the next three days worrying about the little parrot, who spent three days not caring a jot. So much for parrots being fragile creatures who dislike change. 

We grabbed food at a service stop, enjoying the first of many, many fast food delights. The four hour plus drive was kind of welcomed though, giving both Lynda and I a chance to sit down after all the hassle. 

Our hotel for the night was the expensive, but pet friendly Holiday Inn express, just a stones throw from the channel tunnel. Geri was treated like royalty wherever we went, and settled into the room with ease. A shower and some sleep did wonders.

Geri settling in at the Holiday inn express.

Sunday July 31st. 

It's a gentle start to Sunday. Our train isn't due out until 11.50, and despite warnings of delays due to security checks, we don't have to leave the hotel until well after 10 in the morning. So a random breakfast of sausages and scrambled eggs (it's a free breakfast from the hotel, but why just sausages and scrambled eggs as the hot option?) Anyhoo, with breakfast done, we load up Geri into the van and go to check in for the crossing. Luck was on our side as on arrival, we're immediately directed to the next train. It saved us 14 minutes, but when you have 350 miles to cover that day, you'll take it. The main worry was that they'd like to check the back of the van. Anyone opening the rear doors could find themselves under a deluge of parrot cages, toiletries and soft furnishings. Fortunately, we were left alone. 

Good luck and an earlier train.

We hit France by 1.15 and apart for a small stop for breathalysers and some hi visibility vests. (We had them already, but they had been packed into the back). The day was dry and warm and pretty soon we were clear of France and into Belgium. Brussels offered our first real stop. It was also the last time we felt, let's say contented. From Brussels it was a very long run to reach Germany and Colonge. The stretch from Brussels to the German border was, without a doubt the most boring stretch of motorway in the world. Monotony was creeping in and as Lynda nodded off, I became bored. Fuel was needed just as we crossed into Germany, allowing us a chance to brighten up. 

We may be brightening up, but the weather is turning decidedly poor. Rain falls just after Cologne and those tyres I had concerns about now threaten to kill us. The van begins Aquaplaning around and I have to keep off the throttle to maintain control. The showers are short but my mood has soured. The pleasant run has become a torturous ordeal and tiredness begins to creep in.  Approaching Frankfurt, all I can think about is food and a lie down. We arrive at our overnight at the NH Frankfurt Neiderrad. Annoyingly I can't park the van in the hotel car park. It's to big (oh the irony) soothe van gets parked across the road. 

Meanwhile, Geri is getting the star treatment as the staff come out to fuss over him. He as before, seems unruffled. We settle in with Grill Den Hensller and a little room service. 

Monday August 1st.

It's early. 6 AM to be precise and while Geri sleeps, we head off for a breakfast neither of us really wants. There's plenty of choice, but this early, the idea of eating anything is just not on. We struggle on though but it's 7.50 before we hit the road on the longest stretch of the whole three days. It's a whooping 450 miles to Vienna. We're hoping to get there by three that afternoon. Our first stop comes around Nuremberg. It's a nice day and the temperature is slowly rising. For now a cold coffee drink and a snack will do.

Nuremberg and our first stop. 

The next stop comes two hours later at Passau. This is the exciting moment. From here we cross the border into Austria. We buy the Vignette for the van and head off on the last leg. Despite the early start, we feel good. With just an hour or so left to travel, I add a little extra fuel near St. Pölten and a little extra iced coffee to me. We're all feeling the strain, especially Geri who desperately wants a nap, but is to stubborn to take it. 

With everything fuelled we push on and soon enough, we come over the brow of a hill and Vienna opens up before us. From there we pass Vösendorf and head into the city, leaving the motorway at Favoriten and arriving at our new home just before 5pm

Vienna ahead.

If we've had a rough trip though, we need to spare a thought for Donna and Aimee. They flew out to help us unload the van and then enjoy the city for the week. They're flight should have gotten them to the city by midday. However, as we're cresting the hill, they're still at Vienna airport, waiting for luggage that may never come. They're flight went tech in the morning, turning back to Vienna before reaching Heathrow. Austrian put them onboard a flight to Berlin and then from Berlin to Vienna. Arriving at Berlin, Donna and Aimee discover a hot mess as the airport is filled with disgruntled passengers from all over, a baggage system on the blink and staff that are overtaxed and underpaid for the situation they currently face. They almost miss they're connecting flight after the counter staff fail to issue fresh boarding passes. They do make it to Vienna in the end, they're bags though are lost at either London, Berlin or some other part of the network. They make it to the apartment just 5 minutes before us. 

Unloading the Van takes longer than expected, but by 8 that night,I just need to take he van to a car park and crawl into a dry martini (or large glas of wine as was the case.) finding a Car park to take a van was difficult, but we got there in the end. 

Tuesday August 2nd. 

Building furniture is the rule for the day whilst Lynda, Donna and Aimee fill the cupboards and get settled. Two bookcases later and in the heat of the afternoon I begin to wilt. There are other issues at play. Firstly, the van tyres are screwed. I'm rather annoyed about this as they should have been changed before we picked them up. The passenger tyre is illegal and the driver side one is on the edge. Fortunately, there's a Hertz rental place just up the road and fix the issue for free. Finally I have to go to IKEA in Vösendorf to replace our mattress. The summer heat and a lack of energy take they're toll on me, and I'm sat in IKEA, eating a snack to boost my energy levels, hoping it'll help. 

Wednesday August 3rd. 

It's time to hit the road by myself and return the van to the UK. I hit the road just after 10.30am and hope the day will be ok. Surprisingly it is. I stop at Linz for a quick break and again at Nuremberg. By Nuremberg I'm feeling tired, but still on it, reaching my hotel by 19.00 and checking in at Frankfurt for a nights sleep. I'm surprised how well that 450 miles went. 

Thursday August 4th

Today is not going to be a good day. Stomach issues wake me 15 minutes before my alarm, which was already set for 6AM. I have to get all the way back to the Welsh Valley's today, 600+ miles away. Doing the same trip in two days rather than the three days it took to get to Vienna seemed like a good idea. It also saved money on van rental and a cheaper return on the Eurotunnel service. A quick breakfast and I hit the road at 6.30am, Calais bound. My train is set to leave at 14.50, but with clear traffic I could arrive at Calais and grab an earlier service. The kilometres drift away and I stop for my final fuel stop just after Colonge. I arrive at my second and last stop before the tunnel just after Brussels. Tiredness is kicking in and my stomach issue from earlier that day is rearing its ugly head again. More coffee and food perks me back up and I hit the road for the last stretch of Europe, straight into a massive hour long tailback. It's a disaster. Google rerouted me but having followed its instructions, I arrive at a junction that's closed and I'm stuck in a small town with traffic backing up and a sense of panic. I'm really tired and stumped. A toilet and food break helps me feel better, but this delay has cost me dearly. Switching to a different GPS app, I'm re-rerouted around the issue and I'm back on my way to Calais. My mood is black though. All the heavy lifting and exhaustion that's been building since Saturday is hitting me all at once. By the time I hit Calais, I'm a hour late. With the van loaded, I grab a nap.

Back in the uk, I have just 250 miles left to cover, but psychologically, I'm spent. I leave Folkestone like a cat on fire and make for th M25 and then the M4. It's rush hour though, slowing my progress and really hitting me hard. I'm tired, emotional and very lonely. I get routed through Bracknell which is hell and by the time I reach the M4, I'm on the point of crying. I make it to my final service station stop in emotional pieces. It's clear I need sleep, and I defiantly need food. The food helps as does my fifth coffee of the day, and with less than a two run ahead, I focus like a laser beam and battle in through. I reach our old home by 8pm uk time, having spent 14 hours and 30 minutes on the road that day. With the van parked and unloaded, I burst into tears. I collect a few things up I need to take back tomorrow, but after so much caffeine, any heavy lifting brings in chest pains. I eat some food, greet my mother in law when she gets home before crawling off to bed at 22.30. 

Friday August 5th 

My stomach once again wakes me early and I find myself up an hour and a half earlier than I wanted to be. I don't mind to much, as it allows me a chance to pack up a few requested items that didn't make it on the Saturday. At 8am I bid fairwell to the place I called home for 19 years. The Welsh weather does little to make me feel upset, settling on fog to see me off. It's summer. 

Yes it's summer, honest!

I wince as I jump Ito the van for the last time. Yesterday's drive has scarred me and I sure as hell won't miss driving. The van drop off goes well and I'm left with a suitcase, handluggage and a handbag to drag to the train station. And drag it I do. Cardiff's pavements aren't the smoothest in the world. The train station has no lift, which is great. Wales is not really tugging at the heartstrings this morning. 

Grangetown train station at rush hour.

I arrive at Cardiff central only to be stuck behind a malfunctioning ticket barrier. Sigh. I need tea. I head to my favourite tea place in Cardiff, the John Lewis department store. It's just opened but annoyingly, the cafe is closed for refurbishment. I sense a pattern forming for the day. I end up in Costa, drinking tea and having a blueberry muffin. Then it's time to head to the bus stop for my bus to Bristol airport. Whilst I wait, with Cardiff castle behind me, I'm surrounded by American tourist, all of whom seem intent on finding somewhere that sells Dr. Pepper. It amuses me. The bus arrives on time, the drivers a grumpy git, just like my dad was. The journey was fine and we arrive at Bristol on time. Check in was quick and I'm through security with ease. All the omens of doom seem to be clearing. The flight is on time, I have a chance for a quick bite. I board on time and settle into my seat at the front. Then the delays hit. There's a ground stop due to weather at destination push we need to wait for some elderly passengers to get onboard. We eventually depart 15 minutes behind time, but the captain reassures us we'll make it up thanks to a kick ass tailwind and clear skies. 

Our route takes me directly over Brussels and Frankfurt, and what took me 14 plus hours yesterday today passes in just over 1 hour. It's the most direct evidence of how small the world has becom thanks to jets. I watch a film on my iPad whilst the smooth air turns decidedly lumpy. Soon enough though We begin our descent into Vienna. It's already going wrong and we're given a runway change. That means more minutes in the air as ATC reshuffle the deck to the new runway. Never the less, we line up for approach onto 29. A few miles out though and the power comes on and we climb back into the air. It's a go around. A storm has just settled over the airport, and we need time to let it clear. 15 minutes later, we land without incident. The runway is clear and we taxi to our stand. A further delay happens as ground crew are not permitted on the apron in thunderstorms, so we sit for a further 5 minutes next to our gate, unable to park. I chat to the cabin crew and soon enough, we're on stand and I'm off. Knowing the airport layout better than the other passengers (having been though it more than a few times lately.) I'm through passport control and at the baggage carousel before the others find their way. I'm so quick I beat the luggage by 10 minutes. Bags sorted, I find Lynda in arrivals, give her the biggest hug I can manage and go home. 

The aftermath. 

Having spent nearly a week constantly travelling, it spend the weekend at the apartment building more furniture, unpacking and recovering. The rest of the stuff in Wales will arrive at the end of the month, thanks to a great friend and a bit of luck. What I learnt from all of this is two things. One, always go for the biggest van you can find, and more importantly, next time, hire a company to do the job for you. The extra cost is more than worth it. Now however, I live in Vienna,many that's awesome. Two girls and a parrots not so impossible dream came true. :)

Running on empty, except for the cardboard.

To describe the last two weeks as 'frantic' would be an understatement. Exhaustion is a constant friend and we've both developed a deep loathing of the cardboard box. We left the UK on the 17th of July for Vienna. The day ran smoothly, with connecting flights working perfectly and an on time arrival at Vienna. The only problem we hit was leaving our luggage at Vienna airport. The one counter was full, so we had to use an alternate. Small issues really. We caught a train into the centre, enjoying a lunch at the station, then we checked in to our hotel for the night. Weirdly, this is the last hotel we'll ever stay at in Vienna. The NH Wien Belvedere was chosen partly in price but mostly because it had a very good noodle shack nearby. Seriously, the noodles served up at Rennweg are delicious. With a carton of noodles and a view out into the Belevedere gardens, we settled in for the evening watching a newly discovered show on Pro 7, Grill Den Hennsler. For Brits, this is a mix between 'masterchef'and 'it's a knockout.' Fun stuff. 

The next morning, with a cup of tea and a few Manner biscuits. (Love those things) and we set off to meet Wolfgang, our tame Makler, to meet the other Makler and sign the paperwork. After all the fuss and fighting to get out chosen apartment, the final signing was remarkably easy. In just 45 minutes, we'd signed the contracts, paid the deposit, paid Remax and we were presented with the keys. Then we took the cemetery tram (yes I live on the 71 line that leads directly to Vienna's central Cemetery.) and we chatted with Wolfgang as we traveled. From his point of view, he was happy to see us in our new place, but his commission was, well very sad. With our deposit paid, the Makler fee was around €1400, which was then split between Remax and the other firm. So out of the €700 left, Wolfgang got just about €140! For that €140, he's helped set up our electricity supplier (a good deal of which I'm sure he'll get commission for the recommendation.) sorted out the apartment viewings and dealt with the negotiations with the apartment landlord. He went above and beyond, and even further, as I'll come to later. Anyway, with the keys in hand, we set foot in our new home. Home is now Kobelgasse 7 , Wien. We checked the place over, detailed with Wolfgang any floors in the paintwork, fixtures and fittings. Then it was time for Wolfgang to leave, and for us to start a new life. The man from the electric board was due that day to switch on the electric, so one of us would have to wait in for him to do his job. We both figured we had time to grab a bite from the Bakery across the road. With a bite to eat sorted, it was time to bring the place to life. My job was to fetch the cases from the airport. Lynda sat in waiting for the electric man, I headed out, deciding to take a stroll through the cemetery to a nearby station to the Airport. The whole trip to the airport and back took around two hours, but I got the heavy cases back to the apartment. Wilting in the heat, Lynda got us two ice cold beers from a local shop, and damn was it needed. We took our stuff and filled the very empty apartment up with traces of us. 

It was a nice moment. What was becoming clear though was that the Elelctic man wasn't coming. Wolfgang told us to drop him a line if we still had no electric after 3pm. We did, and bless him, he came down after work to rig the electric for us. The apartment has three main fuses, but we only had two. That meant the fridge and hob worked, but not the dishwasher or oven. Plus half the sockets in the apartment worked, the other half didn't. We coped though. With partial power restored, Wolfgang apologised for the electric board. He was not happy and promised to get to the bottom of it in the morning. 

With time getting on, we had just enough time to pop out to a local Mömax to pick up simple essentials, like a lamp for light, a few basic plates and even some pillows to put on the inflatable mattress. Then all we had left to do was to pick up our hand luggage from the hotel. They had a facility to leave our hand luggage there. It was gone 7 by the time we got back, hot, very tired and hungry. We managed to drag ourselves out to the local Chinese takeaway, enjoying our first warm meal in our new home, sat on an inflatable matress with a laptop and the first season of House M.D to enjoy. 

The rest of the week was a constant feeling of running. A trip to ikea on the Tuesday revealed a huge difference when ordering in a big city versus the Welsh valley's. With our new bed and other furniture paid for, we headed for the delivery area, expecting to see the new stuff in the morning. Instead we were told the new kit would arrive anytime after two. This was and 12.45. Time to get running again. We made it, and Wolfgang also came by on his way home (he lives in the 21st district, which is definitely NOT on the way home from the 11th. He brought with him new fuses, fixing the last of the electricity issues. He mentioned that the electric man had two jobs at our building on the books, one at ours, and one at the Kindergaten that sits under part of our building. The Kindergaten was closed until the 3rd of August. Confusing the two jobs for one, he left to return on the 3rd. Wolfgang has told them he's sorted the issue, but who knows, the man may still come.  

By the Friday and time to return to the UK, the apartment is doing ok. Now the battle is on to get the rest of our stuff across the channel this weekend. Exhausted isn't the right word, as come next week, I may declare myself legally dead, just for rest. After all, it's only a 2200 mile round trip. :) 

Jess 

The wild blue yonder

It's a Saturday night. In two weeks we head out in a van, crossing the continent in three days. Two girls, one parrot, little sleep. But that's for the future. In the present, well, it's Saturday night, I'm sat in a hotel bed, next to the UK's biggest airport. Tomorrow we fly out to Vienna. Moving day just came early. 

Monday's are fun days. 

Last month, we headed to Vienna to do a little apartment hunting. A week of looking around at various places. And we found a place. I won't go into details now, mostly because I want to cover the whole process in another post, hopefully once we have the keys to our new place. What I will say is it negotiating the lease took patience and caused a lot of stress. However, Monday, glorious Monday, hopefully marks the completion of the contracts, and by Monday afternoon we'll have the keys to our own place. And it can't come soon enough. 

Prepacking for action. 

When we planned the move, we expected, perhaps naively, to pick up the keys on the day we arrive with our stuff. What's actually happened is that we needed to find an extra trip to Vienna to sign the paperwork, take possession and relax in the peace and quiet of our new place. It's actually worked out well. We've booked a few days in the city, allowing us time to go to Ikea and Mömax to get the bits of furniture we planned on buying once there. Things like a bed, TV Unit and sofa's will all arrive next week, get set up and will be waiting for us in two weeks when we arrive with the rest of the stuff. We'll also get the cupboards filled with groceries so there's food when we get there. Plus we'll have the electric sorted (thanks Wolfgang) and we hope to get UPC cable and Internet hooked up as well. The last thing we'll do is file our residency paperwork, before we head back to the U.K. To finish packing. Gulp! 

Buying stuff in Vienna is all well and good, but Monday night we'll probably find ourselves on an inflatable mattress. So with Lufthansa now offering flights where you can pay to take lugguge one way, we've loaded up two suitcases, filled with little bits and pieces, all to help our new home, feel like home. So there's a kettle, cutlery, curtains, blankets towels and a host of other things to fill up the blank spaces. Come Friday, we leave the suitcases there and travel back with hand luggage only. It's exciting stuff. And damn well nerve racking. It's also fun.  

May you live in interesting times.

So, the die is cast, and the result is a massive blow to the EU. At 04.40 this morning, the BBC called the referendum for the leave campaign. In truth, we knew it was heading that way as early at 12.30 that evening. The simple truth is, remain didn't get enough votes where they needed it. For the first time in 40 years, we find ourselves outside, looking in. 

There's no two ways about it, we're disappointed. We'll still move, but the future will be less certain. Under EU law, article 50, the official procedure to leave the EU, once it's invoked, we'll have two years to sort out everything before the strings are cut and the U.K. Is free from Europe's grasp. The situation with 2 million expats living and working in the EU will have to be sorted out by then. 

It's not all bad news it seems. Amazingly we secured our new apartment this morning. So we have a home, hopefully forever. 

The future isn't going to be decided today, but one thing is certain, as the old Chinese curse states, 'may we live in interesting times'

No shit Sherlock.  

The Final Countdown.

So it's come to this. It's Wednesday the 22nd of June and in less than 24 hour, the polls open on the most important vote in British history. Tomorrow the country votes to decide if we stay part of the EU or not. A vote to leave will cause issues for several years, from Expats abroad to the rise of the right wing in Germany, Austria and other countries. Markets will stumble, and with uncertainty, there's sure to be a few wobbles on the UK stock market. For us, it could spell the end of our dream.

The biggest issue however, isn't the possibility of us leaving the EU. No, our main worry should be how a country that's been so decided during this referendum, will put itself back together after the vote has passed. The level of hate between the camps has been growing for the last three months, fed by a diet of tabloid outrage and politicians keen to press their beliefs on the public at large. Lies, fear and exaggeration have been the hallmarks of a dirty campaign from both sides.

Remains of the Day.

The remain side should have had the easier job. Tell the people the truth. Explain it clearly and make a positive case to stay. Instead We've had reports that have been blown out of proportion. 'You'll be £4000+ a year worse off if we leave.' comes the cry. 'GDP with fall, we'll hit a recession' and more have befallen the remain camps calls to arms. They've called for everything it seems including a plague of locusts. Well almost. The spectre of all out war in Europe even raised its ugly head. No, Instead of laying out the facts in an ordered way, Like only 13% or so of EU laws actually affect the UK, instead of the much reported 60%. But no. Its become a case of Chicken little screaming the sky is falling. That said, in all that exaggeration, there's a grain of truth. From the IMF to the IFS, the experts all agree that we'd be worse off if we left, its just the figures that are the issue.

BeLEAVE what you want.

If the remain campaign can be excused of exaggerating, the Leave campaign can be accused of living in their own little fantasy world. In this magical world, experts are to be dismissed as no nothings fools all in the pay of the EU. 'I think the UK public has had enough of experts' Leave Co chair Michael Gove has said. Ignoring the advice of the worlds economists is par for the course. Economics forecasting is mere voodoo, except when its their own economics professors of course. Then, the advice from but a handful of dissenting experts is to be taken seriously. Professor Minford, Vote Leave's tame expert has his own model of the economy post Brexit that shows how we'll be better off with free trade deals for all. He also says that our manufacturing sector would be all but gone and the economy would be run on the Service and high tech industries. So much for the steel industry then. Besides, who's reading that far into his report?

The economy was going to be a hards sell for the Leave guys. Just last week, we had the official unemployment figures. Unemployment is currently at its lowest level since 2005. Our economy is growing too! In fact  Leave are constantly telling us how great our economy is, that's why we have so many EU immigrants arriving here. Bear in mind however, that the rallying call against the EU is that its over bureaucratic, With so many rules and regulations that we're drowning under the weight. obviously their missing the obvious fact that if we are the best economy in the EU, then we must be doing ok within those pesky rules.  Oh and we're one of the most regulation free countries in Europe as well. hmmmmm.

Project Fear.

The favourite cry from those on the leave side is that the Remainers are pushing 'Project Fear', a term first appearing in in the Scottish referendum where the Remain side pushed the negative aspects of breaking up a 300 year union. They may have a point. As I pointed out earlier, everything including a plague of locusts and famine has seemingly been claimed to happen if we leave. And if Vote Leave had left it at that, I'd have said 'I disagree, but ok.' But this constant cry of 'Project fear' is set against the Leave sides own campaign of Fear and Hate. Repeatedly they claim Turkey will join the EU and 77 million (Yes 77 million!) Turks will make a bee line for our shores. The Fact that Turkey has been trying to join the EU for over 50 years and is no closer to for filling the criteria to join. If anything, they're moving in the opposite direction, from press freedoms and a president who seems more intent on suing German comics that 'insult' him. Plus, to join the EU, all 28 countries have to agree. We would probably Veto them, and I'm damn well sure Cyprus will Veto them as well. But in Vote Leave land, this matters not. 'It's government policy to bring Turkey into the EU.' They say. In the past is has been, but the changing nature of Turkey's relationship with the EU will affect that. Leave have an answer though. 'If the EU wants to do something, they will.' So there we are then. Why even bother voting, we'll just wait for the tanks to roll in shall we.

Immigration has been at the forefront of the Leave campaign, and the remain camp has found this to be the hardest thing to fight against. 'our public services are under pressure because of immigrants!' is the central claim. In a country where migrants make up less than 10% of the population, It's hard to imagine that the whole lot are causing issues. They're not. EU immigrants pay more into the UK in tax than they take out, and damn it, if they've paid in, then they're entitled to use it. The reason that public services are at breaking point is simple. In 2010, the government of the day began cutting public services in order to reduce the countries deficit. That cutting has continued with the current government. The Prime Minister, David Cameron is the same man who began the cuts in 2010 and is currently leading the Remain camp. So he can't stand there and say its not immigrants, its me. I did it. Likewise, the Leave camp is lead predominantly by conservative politicians who were in both governments as well. They can't say it was them as it wouldn't fit in with the narrative that the EU free movement is to blame. Plus these are the guys who are hoping to gain control of the current government if we do vote leave. No one wants to say 'We've screwed you over before, and now we have more control (Control is a leave buzzword) we're going to do more.'

Speaking of Control, Leave have made plenty of claims regarding the money we send to Brussels. They say, repeatedly, that being a member of the EU costs us £350 million pounds a week. If we didn't have to send that amount to Europe, would could invest it in the NHS for example. The claim is false though. Out of that £350 million, over half stays in the UK as part of the EU rebate. The figure we send to the EU is around £160 million. Its true that the rest of the money that stays in the UK is spent on things the EU says, but is that a bad thing. For example, there's the Common Agricultural policy that keeps farms running in impoverished area's. Wales and Cornwall along with other areas get over £1 billion in whats called 'objective 1' funding. This is funding to help regenerate some of the poorest area's of the UK. Just a mile from my keyboard right now, there's road improvements being made using Objective 1 funding. Train lines, colleges and even apprenticeships have all gained from the European funding. Leave claim that leaving the EU, they'd keep that funding in place, that Farm subsidies would be safe, that they'd even cut the VAT on gas and electricity bills, and tampons! plus lots of other stuff. They guarantee it in fact. The thing is, they're not the government, so any spending pledges are worthless. Even if they Win, replace Cameron and Chancellor George Osborne and somehow gain government power, the budget still has to find money from somewhere. The £8 billion annual bill we're saving by not being in the EU has to go a long way. And in government terms £8 billion is chicken feed. We spend £728 billion on defence alone. Most telling of course is this. That £8 billion represents just 1% or there about of GDP. Any recession after a Brexit (Which all the experts agree will happen, though what do they know, right?) would see GDP shrink, wiping out that £8 billion saving. Boris Johnson assures us it isn't going to happen though, and if it does, he'll publicly apologise on TV. Thank Boris, I'm sure the unemployed people who believed in you will appreciate that as they're benefits get cut to try and make savings.

Unanswered Questions.

I've tried to stay neutral in writing this piece, as I do with any review I write, but seeing the reality of the situation written down on the screen stirs my anger. We sit on the edge of a cliff, where the options are to either stay on the edge, or jump. The fact we're even thinking of jumping is a unbelievable, and it feels like we've got to this position by being promised the world on a stick. It's that same stick that poking us in the back as we teeter ever closer to the edge. There no answer to a range of questions heading into tomorrows vote, and sadly, there seems to a hell of a lot of people not asking, shouting out 'I want my country back' instead. Freedom from Europe will come at a price, and I'm damn well sure that the Leave campaign guys won't be the ones paying it!

Never trust a guide book!

This week it's be all go as we've been apartment hunting in Vienna. Over the course of five days, we've seen 6 apartments, been to two business meetings, drank many Ottakringer beers and eaten just a few slices of delicious cakes. While the apartment hunt has been tiring, it's other things that have taught us a lesson, so to speak. 

Always trust your guidebook?

This move has been in the planning for many years. Given we're moving to a foreign country, it's often wise to do a 'bit of research' into your chosen home. To aid me in my quest, Lynda lovingly bought me a little guidebook to the Austrians, the culture and the history of one of Europes oldest countries. In this hallowed text, I learnt many things about the 'Austrian way', and without a doubt, this week has shown it to a complete load of bollocks. Let's take a look at just a few 'Austrianisms' that didn't pan out this week. 

1. Time. 

Time and tide wait for no Austrian, so my guide informed me. Punctuality is king. To some extent this is true. I've sat and watched as buses, trains and trams arrive at the exact moment they should, and depart at exactly the right time. This punctuality extends to the Austrians themselves and the guide warned me that 'you should never be late. In fact Austrians consider even being exactly on time for a meeting to be 'late'.' So with this sage advice ringing in my ears, Lynda and I headed off for a meeting at the Vienna Business Agency. We arrived, as all good Austrians should, four minutes early. We were chuffed with ourselves for this feat, made even sweeter by my taking A wrong turn off the tram and slowing us up as I regained my whereabouts. Happily we greeted the receptionist, informed her we were there to see someone. Her response was one of panic, as she informed us we were early and the nice gentleman we were due to meet wasn't quite ready!  This was a mockery! Had the book been wrong or was this just a simple 'one off'?  Errrr, no. Later that day at a second meeting, due to start at 6pm, we found ourselves waiting 18 minutes!  So the score Austria 1 - Book 0.

Keep it formal.

'Austrians really appreciate a title' so the guide informs. From Doctorates to degrees, Austrians wear them with pride. Formality is appreciated. The guide tells me I should 'never greet a fellow person informally, even if you know then quite well.' It tells me even something as simple as greeting your neighbour, whom you've lived next to for twenty years, should be addressed as 'Herr or Frau'. So every email passed between us and our estate agent began with 'Guten Morgen Herr Gerzabek'.

Herr Gerzabek however was way more laid back, and as the week went on, we found he was very informal. Talking on the phone with a fellow collegue, He'd simply state, 'hey, it's Wolfgang.' So the guide was kind of wrong again. Austria 2 - Book 0.

Follow the rules, or you'll be sorry! 

'Rules are Rules' so sayeth the book. Austrians love rules and will enforce them when needed. That goes for the general public and not just the authorities. There are stories of people forgetting to validate their tram tickets, only to get caught by the transit authorities. The people on the tram then join in with the guards and publicly Berate the hapless offender. The same is true for jaywalkers, with old ladies telling off those who dare cross the road when the little man is still red. 

Wolfgang, our tame estate agent however laughs in the face of such rules, as we saw him crossing a road to reach a tram stop not 50 meters from a crossing. Even worse was the driver who helpfully slowed down and motioned for us to cross. Then there's the gas. Speaking with Fredrich at the Vienna Business Agency about old buildings and insurance, he told us of the how his apartment block was put on notice due to a gas leak. So far, iso good. He continued to tell us however that the gas had been leaking for years and the gas board had been checking it every so often, but found the leak to be not really worth the effort. The people living in the apartments though had no idea it was even leaking. 

Then there were the apartments we saw that featured bare electrical wiring sticking out of the walls. We checked if we needed to get an electrictian in to fit lights (a UK law requirement) but no, have a bash yourself! And don't even start me on the walking ladder technique that seems for stick two fingers up to 'Health and Safety rules'. Austria 3 - Book 0.

Final scores Austria 3 - Book 0

It's fairly clear that whilst it's possible to get a feel for a place, it's history and it's culture from a guide, you never really learn what it's really like until you experience it for yourself. Those Crazy Austrians are just like us crazy Brits and the crazy French and so on. They're a mix of all sorts of people and personallites. A guide is just that, a guide, as the truth is often somewhere inbetween what's written and what your personal experience is. 

Into the fire!

Things are starting to get serious. It's now just 1 month and 29 days until we move. Stress levels are rising, and things are starting to happen at a much faster pace. Memories of 2015, when we had months to plan are now but a distant memory. It just got real folks. 

Apartment hunting. 

Next week we'll find ourselves in Vienna, looking for that perfect apartment. So far we have a few to visit, all found by our tame estate agent (or Makler) Wolfgang Gerzabek. He's been sending a steady stream of apartments though for us to consider. We'll take what we can, so we're not that fussy right now. 

Getting an apartment isn't as easy as it sounds. In theory, we go see an apartment, like it, agree to pay the requested rent, pay our deposit, sign the paperwork and we're done. In reality though, it's a bit more complicated. The first hurdle is convincing the landlord that we're worthy of the apartment. tenants in Vienna are protected by plenty of laws, so the landlord wants to make sure you'll pay the rent and not cause any trouble. If you're self employed, things are a little more difficult. We'll find out how much more difficult next week.

The next issue is that the rent as defined in the advert is a little more 'fluid' than you think. As a plus this allows you to negotiate a discount or a months free rent if you need to do any work. As a minus, other parties interested in the same apartment can offer to pay more than the specified rent, leaving you in a bidding war if you're not careful, and without an apartment if you don't want to play the game. 

Third up is the commission.  Wolfgang is entitled to two months rent plus 20% for his trouble. You can of course find apartments that are 'provisionfrei' with no commission, but you have to be fast to find them. They'll often go within a day of hitting the market. Using a estate agent is costly, but worth it, we hope! Commission isn't the big issue though, it's the deposit. Some apartments ask for two months rent as a deposit whilst others ask for up to six months. There's no hard and fast rule, but the deposit has to be listed in the listing. 

If we're lucky, we'll get a place, sign the paperwork and be back in the UK in time for next weekend. If we're unlucky, well it's going to be a long week ahead. 

The Brexit factor. 

The EU referendum is a very complicating factor right now. It's possible that if the leave side win, we could see an immediate closing of the border on June 24th. It's just one of the possibilities that are doing the rounds here. Most agree that invoking article 50 of the Lisbon treaty would lead to two years negotiation on the UK's withdrawal. In that time, the current rules would remain in place, meaning we could move and hope the politicians sort out what they need to. It's not ideal and it does come with the risk of having to leave Austria after that two years. But there's also the option of leaving immediately. Much like ripping a plaster off, the idea is that the short term disruption will be a small price to pay to begin again. If that happens, we could find ourselves out of pocket, loosing our deposit and needing a plan B as we still have to move come July 30th. Worse, the 2 million Brits who live abroad and let's be honest, haven't really been thought about by the leave campaign at all really, could find themselves forced to return to the UK, horrendously out of pocket. Will the government pay to help with they're relocation? I'm guessing not. 

Now in theory, the aptly named Vienna convention could protect the many Ex pats. It basically says that people can't be affected by changes such as the removal of free movement as the previous treaty agreement will stay in force. That'll protect those living abroad, but not those who have yet to move. 

In 24 days, we'll find out. 

Playing the Man, not the ball.

It's just around 6 weeks until the UK's referendum on leaving the EU. For the love of God, shoot me now and end to end the madness. I hate to voice my own political opinions with anyone, as it's a great way to loose friends and annoy people, but the referendum has me feeling the need to 'blow off steam'. So here goes. 

Wanted: facts. 

The title of this post is taken from and old footballing phrase relating to a foul. Playing the man, not the ball kind of sums up the various referendum campaigns at the moment. It's become a familiar pattern from both sides. It goes like this.

1. Side A brings out a statistic that can't quite be proved, but offers a point of discussion. 

2. In Response, side B the retaliates by claiming the person who made the announcement on side A is delusional. The key is to ignore the talking point entirely. 

3. Now side B releases a list of some guys on their side.

4. Side A immediately attack the side B spokesman, but says nothing about the list. 

5. And repeat ad nauseam.  

It's really annoying, and at the minute, the leave campaign seem to be the worst offenders. What we need are facts. So far the Leave campaign have failed to come up with a good explanation of what life after a no vote whole be like. We've been told we could have a relationship with the EU like Canada, or Norway, or Albania, or Switzerland or.....and so it goes on. To date, no definitive plan on this has been put forward, which makes it hard to vote for something that's undecided. 

Then there's the Single market itself. Apparently we'll have full access to the single market, but not pay in, or have free movement, or indeed be bound by their rules. Which is odd, given that those three things seem to be non negotiable.  Then again, Vote Leave Co-Chairman Michael Gove has said we not even need access to the single market. Hmmmmm. Again, there's no clear 'we will do this, this is our plan' type of thing from Vote Leave. Instead, depending on who is speaking, the idea seems to wander around from WTO rules to others and back again.

Vote Leave aren't the only ones being a bit fanciful. Better Together have been up there with the rhetoric. For the most part, the In campaign should have an easier job. The argument is simple, stay as we are. But it would be great if the in campaign could highlight a positive now and again. Most of the campaign has focuses on the economic risks of a No vote. It's a pretty good argument, as leaving would absolutely cause some form of disruption to the UK economy and the European on at that. But every time you hear the figures, they've gone up. It's something along the lines of this.

Hi, here's a £1. 

Thanks.

It's a good thing gave you that £2.

What?

That £5 will see you good. 

Hang on.

So that £10 is great, right. 

But...

Yeah £20 is fantastic. 

And it continues. After all, who doesn't need £50. 

Perhaps the biggest miscalculation on the stay side has been David Cameron's claims that leaving the EU would bring about WWIII! He was obviously looking to play up the peace that the EU has brought since WWII, But by damn he ran with it and now if we leave, it's going to be the actual 'end of the world' 

Spectre's of WWII.

World War 2 was inevitably going to be dragged into the debate at some point. Last week began with both sides arguing over who could claim Winston Churchill, with Churchill's own grandson claiming that the Wartime prime minister he would be on the 'in' side. But the biggest blunder of the week goes to prominent No Campaigner, Boris Johnson. He invoked Hitler, along with Napoleon, as examples of attempts to forge a united single Europe, albeit with different methods than the EU. It matters not of course whether Boris had a point. Comparing the EU and Hitler is always going to end badly. The Spectre of genocide is ever present with Hitler's name and to say that EU has 'similar aims' will inevitably draw criticism. Alarmingly, several Leave campaigners have rallied behind Boris, insisting his comparison was 'historically accurate' in terms of a Single european state. It matters not what the point was, Hitler should stay dead and far away from the debate at hand. 

Far more to come. 

June 23rd is still a long way away, and the next few weeks are going to see the campaigning ratchet up and up. With the poles currently sitting at 50/50, the only thing certain is that come June 24th there are going to be a lot of unhappy people. I fear the chaos won't end after the result either. 

Uncertain certainty.

Does anyone remember 'Spy vs Spy'? I do. It was a silly game made for the seamaster system way back in the 90's. Based on the comic strip of the same name, spy vs spy was a game where the black spy would set up traps for the White spy to fall victim to. Of course whilst the black spy was busy, the White spy was also setting traps for his counterpart. The two spent hours trapping each other. 

 Spy verses Spy on the old Sega Master system 

I mention spy vs spy because the battle for the upcoming European referendum feels a bit like the White spy and the black spy setting traps for each other. The referendum campaign has barely begun and yet each side is laying out the case for in or out. It's still four months until the vote on the 23rd of June, but already, the campaign is covering every media outlet. 

It's no surprise that the referendum conjures up strong feelings amongst some, but what's really interesting is the tone. Fear. The 'No' campaign have already set out their stall, dubbing the 'in' campaigns strategy as 'Project Fear'. They claim the prime minister, head of the 'in' campaign, is using fear of the uncertainty to scare the British public into voting 'remain'. They have a point, but not the high ground. Just this week, the no campaign unleashed an ex army general has told one newspaper that the UK 'would be safer' outside the EU. This hot on the heels of out campaigner Ian Duncan Smith's claim just 24 hours after the announcement of the referendum date that being in the EU 'makes us more suspetable to a Paris style Attack'. So clearly the No campaign are happy to feed on people's fears, as long as it's the right fears. 

From my point of view, well it's all very sad and depressing, not least because a No vote would scupper our plans to move. We could find ourselves living in Vienna only to be told to apply for a visa due to change in the UK's relationship with Europe. Without that 'right to free movement', two million Brits living and working abroad could find themselves on the wrong side of the wall. More annoyingly, I've just succumbed to the same fear the campaigns are using. 

It's incredibly disappointing that no positives are being used to aid the 'in' campaign. It seems that as far as the British public is concerned, the last forty years of Eu membership have just been a living nightmare. Perhaps it has, though living in Wales it's hard to say if the EU has had any effect on us at all. Perhaps that's the issue. Today it was revealed that 150 local bank branches have been shut in Wales during the last 5 years. That's not the EU's fault. Yet you ask people in the effected valley's what's they're biggest issues, and most will blame Europe and immigration. 

The funny thing is that Wales recieves £1.6 billion from the EU for economic growth. A lot of Lynda's work with the after school clubs has been funded via the EU money, our niece has an apprenticeship that's completely funded by the EU. The people of Ebbw Vale have also benefited from the EU with funding for the reopening of the Ebbw Vale train line. But the perception is that the EU gives us nothing but trouble. 

A great example is the fuss over providing child benefit to families not living in the UK. The basic complaint seem legitimate. Say a Romanian man comes over to work in the UK under the 'Free movement' rules. He's entitled to of course. Now because he has a family back in Romania, he claim child benefit for the three kids there, sending that money home, which is a veritable windfall compared to a standard wage. On the surface it's annoying. The U.K. Is paying for children not in country. So in an effort to solve the problem, the U.K. Government wanted to change the law to stop migrants being able to claim. No no, says the EU, that's illegal. Cue the condemnation of Europe for interference.

Here's the thing though, Germany doesn't allow for child benefit to be paid to non resident children. Nor do a few others. So why is the EU meddling with the U.K? What's actually the issue has to do with the rules on benefits for all EU migrants. An EU citizen cannot be treated differently in any country in Europe's own citizens. So if you live in Germany, the Germans don't restrict their benefits to a Romanian, just because their Romanian. Getting back to the UK, to solve the problem, all we have to do is to change the rule that would stop child benefit being paid to children of British citizens who aren't in country. Do that and the EU has no issue. So why hasn't it been changed? Perhaps it's better to blame the EU rather than fix the issue. Really why are we annoyed if a Romanian does something elite get child benefit paid to a child not in country, but not annoyed if a British citizen does the same thing? Both are stupid ideas and the issue is quick to fix. 

And that brings us back to our spies above. Both spies are fighting each other, yet no one has stopped to see what the fight is about. Instead, the next four months will be all about fear and uncertainty. The phrase scaremongering is going to be a big part of the run up to June, and it appears to be working. 

Reason to move #238. The Rhondda and the rain.

January is a strange time. The Christmas celebrations seem like a distant memory, whilst the return to work feels like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. In Wales, the weather is inevitably nasty and it's difficult to motivate yourself to almost anything. However, in our part of what is affectionately called 'God's own acre', there's a horror that quite frankly, I could do without. The Rhondda on a cold, wet night. 

From the film of 'how green was my valley' to the song 'if I could see the Rhondda one more time.' This valley is perhaps the poster child for valley's life in general. Happy coal miners and salt of the earth folk fill the descriptions of Wales and it's valley's. It's all a lie. Today the valley may be green, but it sure isn't idyllic. Indeed, the gentleman from the song above may wish he'd died before he got to see the Rhondda on a cold, soggy January day.

In fairness the Rhondda is full of lovely people and great scenic views if you drive out of the valley to the mountains. But the towns like Treorchy, Porth and Maerdy are all in decline. Just yesterday, Treorchy and Porth lost their HSBC branches, leaving people from the tops of the valley's to travel down to Pontypridd to do their main banking. It's a trip of around an hour or more for some. There's no heavy industry left here and with an aging population, little money in the local economy to keep the plethora of small businesses afloat. Currently the most common new business started here is that of the Tattoo parlours, often staffed by people like the self proclaimed 'legendary' Lee Tattoo. It's a sad story. 

Treorchy on a January evening. 

In the winter, even getting to the Rhondda from home is a tricky prospect. There are just 4 main ways into the valley itself. Three of which involve mountain roads. Two of those mountain roads are accessible to us, with the closest taking us into the main Rhondda Fawr valley. The mountain road is treacherous in winter. If it snows, the road can be closed, and quickly. But while the snow can make things slippery on the top, in the wind and the rain, the road becomes incredibly tricky to navigate. Having worked in the Rhondda for almost 10 years, I know the road like the back of my hand, which really helps when the cloud comes low over the mountain and you can't see more than a few meters ahead. It's best not to think about the sheer drops climbing out of the rhondda that sit just to the left, nor to consider the massive drop as you crest the peak before heading down to home. 

Somehow, I think that had this road been in Austria, they would have tunnelled through the mountain, creating quick access to the valley and providing a road that's open all year. 

So for that reason alone, I can't wait to move. After 10 years of driving over the mountains, I'm ready to leave it all behind and let the trams take the strain. 

Happy New Year, prepare for action!

It's a new year and with the memory of the Christmas turkey already fading into background, it's time to take action. This is it people. This is not a drill. The move is on.

Over the last 18 months, things have had a habit of going wrong. It seemed everytime we announced a date to move, something would happen to throw that plan to the wind. From an original date of May 2015, the move continued to slip as one thing or another came up to spoil the party. In the end, the whole move was almost called off. 2015 proved to be a very trying year and one I personally will be glad to see the back of. 2016 offers a fresh start and finally a date set in stone. 

Date and time um, time. 

With all that was said above, I've been a little reticent to announce a new date having seen so many fall by the wayside. The time has come though to let you all in on the secret. Why is this date different? Put simply, as readers of previous post will know, things have been booked. The van is ready to go, the eurotunnel crossing is sorted as are the hotels needed along the route. Finally, the flight I need to take to get back to Vienna is bought and paid for, so we're committed, and the fun starts on July 30th! 

Yup Saturday July the 30th we pick up the van, load it up and head off to Folkestone to stay overnight, before setting off for Frankfurt on the 31st before arriving in Vienna on August the 1st 2016. Then I get a day off on the 2nd before jumping in the van and driving it back to the UK and finally catching my flight back on the 5th. It's six days, 2200 miles and a lot of food on the go. I expect it to be exhausting, exhilarating and it'll take a toll, but so worth it. 

Pre move madness. 

With the date and time set, we've now started the process of moving. We have just about 7 months and although it sounds like a lot, it really isn't. In that time we need to sell of the stuff we're not taking, pack up the stuff we're not using right now, but taking with us, and try to work out what just needs to go in the bin. Then we have to visit Vienna about six weeks before we arrive to try and get an apartment, for which we have our own estate agent, a lovely guy called Wolfgang, who will take us to viewings and hopefully we can agree a lease. And all this has to be done whilst still working and saving. The next seven months is going to be tough. For now, it's New Year's Day, and I'm going to enjoy the New Year's Day from Vienna. And as a parting picture, here's what we're working for. 

So happy new year, hopefully it'll be as interesting as ours. :)